Cooking School

February 7, 2008

I’m going to open a cooking school and call it, “Fork University.”

That way, the shirts will read “Fork U.”

One of the fraternities could be “ata pie.”*

No hazing would be allowed. Glazing, on the other hand, would be encouraged.

*”ata pie” coined by a friend of mine.

Unfair Labor Practices

January 30, 2008

There is a sign at my work that says, “SAFETY HAS NO QUITTING TIME.”

I find this totally unfair to Safety! Maybe Safety has breaks, but that is not enough!

Safety deserves some time off!


November 21, 2007

‘…there’s something I want to say that’s always been very difficult for me to say. “I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.” There. I’ve never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that.’

Navin R. Johnson (Steve Martin) in The Jerk

The Jerk

What’s For Brinner?

November 4, 2007

OK, I was having a discussion with a friend of mine and I decided to define what eating times are which. I’m certain thousands of other people have already decided about these things, but since they haven’t informed me thus far, I decided to decide for myself . . . except I couldn’t quite decide on one time-frame.

This is what I have so far:

~11:00 P.M. ~4:00 A.M. = Midnight Snack

~4:00 A.M.~11:00 A.M. = Brunch

~11:00 A.M.~2:00 P.M. = Lunch

~2:00 P.M.~5:00 P.M. = Linner/Lupper

~5:00 P.M~8:00 P.M = Dinner/Supper

Here’s where I need some help:

~8:00 P.M~11:00 P.M.= ??????????????

So, what is it called between 8 and 11 pm?

I’d like to squeeze Brinner in there too, a word I think I thought up because I never heard of it before. But Brinner (and perhaps even Brupper) has to do with the content of the meal, not just the timeframe. Brinner: you know, like having scrambled eggs, pancakes, toast and bacon for Brinner/Brupper.

Of course this could mean that T-bone steak with a baked potato and green beens between 4 and 11 am would be Dinfast or Sukfast.